I can’t remember the last time I made a New Year Resolution, I might have been 11 or 12 years old. But my aunt died in 2004 right before Christmas and my mindset changed. Holidays have never been the same. Something turned that fun let’s-take-this-new-year-to-make-some-good-changes into something so pointless and mundane. I didn’t want to celebrate the holidays. My aunt was gone and now every Thanksgiving I think of the fact that it was the last holiday we spent with her in our home. Every Christmas reminds me that we have one less family member (two less, as of 2016, my grandfather) around, as if our family wasn’t small enough. Every New Year’s Eve I think of the fact that another year has already passed and how I miss each of them so much.
But grief cannot take over your life. It can be a part of it, and there is a time and space for it, but that’s it.
2019 will be the year I start accepting things as they are. I am me. I have depression and anxiety; I’ve been diagnosed for 2 years. But depression and anxiety aren’t me. They don’t define me. They don’t own me. I own them. I am stronger than them. I will not be taken down by them, or stunted by them, I will control them.
2019 will be the year I officially start making New Year Resolutions.
My first one, in over 15 years, is:
Pursue your passion: Writing.
I want to start this year with just one, to be sure I achieve it, and continue adding one as each new year arrives (2 in 2020, 3 in 2021, etc.).
2019 is the year I start living my life for ME and MY happiness. I’ve spent too long living for others’ visions and against my depression and anxiety.
I won’t let my Seasonal Affective Disorder ruin winter for me. On the 25th of this month I’ll be 26; I WILL be happy.
2019 will be the beginning of everything good.
I welcome you with open arms and hopefulness.
- Lizzie KJ